so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
