google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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