You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
