The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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