And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
