I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
