we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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