My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
