used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
