marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
