the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Soap is not a condiment
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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