Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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