Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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