Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
