I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
