butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
