the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
