yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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