If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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