? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
