i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize