I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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