He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
