i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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