I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
