I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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