I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
