It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize