my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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