I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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