My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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