I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am in a vortex of obligation.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
