I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
