this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
