Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
