I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize