the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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