If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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