I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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