i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
