$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
