"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
