I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
