Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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