You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
