yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
