I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Found the puke drawer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
