highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
