Heybabeimwearingurpanties
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
