i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
