Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
