You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
