Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
