can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
