omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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