At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
