Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
