As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
