Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize