This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
