Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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