Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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