dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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