You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize