we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
