Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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