Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize