thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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