Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
