how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
