remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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