ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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