he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
