Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize