how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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