be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
